Prelude to Chemawa

Remember when I ended this thread? I said I had a few things to cover first; I guess I had more than a few things. Now we're back to the first meeting before the first ceremony. Let's listen in, shall we?...

Maria's plane was still stuck in limbo, somewhere, so the White Bison presence was fourfold: Don, Marlin, Wayne, and (impossibly) myself.



Left-to-Right: Wayne, Maria, Marlin, a mountain, and Don. Guess how windy it was. Prizes for correct answers.

One of the things I was first surprised at was how clear Don was that this ceremony belonged to Chemawa and would be led by Chemawa. I'd assumed that we would have a set presentation that we would repeat in various places. Not so: Marlin later explained to me that the history of outside interaction in Native communities follows a clear pattern. Outsiders come in; and, irregardless of their attitudes, intentions, or methods, find some way of telling the Natives that "this is how you'll do things from now on." Colonists did it. Missionaries did it. The government does it. Social workers do it. Alcohol and tobacco groups do it. Domestic violence groups do it.

It has never once worked.

So, our goal is NOT to march in and say "this is how you'll do things, and this is what you need to hear, and this is what will improve stuff. Do it. We fixed you!" Tribal identity is ingrained in their psyches -- any approach that ignores that fact (and tries to impose an outside system) will fail. Our presentation is really only led by us a small amount of the time; the bulk of it is community-led and audience-led. Ultimately, the people who attend decide what the ceremony becomes. We just get the ball rolling, give some facts, and encourage forgiveness as a way of ending the deep-rooted bitterness people have. I kind of like the sound of that.

We have a few cornerstones, however, that we bring to the table.

We have the Eagle Staff -- an imposing staff adorned with 36 sacred feathers. To be honest, as I write this, I don't fully understand the Eagle Staff's purpose, but it's treated very carefully and is clearly important. I must remember to ask Marlin soon.

We have the Sacred Hoop. This I have a better grasp on. It is about 5' in diameter and has exactly 100 feathers that line the edge. I think there are 99 eagle feathers and 1 condor feather, but this is me going from memory. It is divided into four directions, each with its own color. The directions, depending on who you ask, stand for steps of healing (acknowledgement, acceptance, forgiveness, and hope), types of forgiveness (everyday forgiveness, forgiving the unforgiveable, forgiving of the self, and forgiving to free the spirit), people of the earth (red, black, yellow, and white)... and there's one other I can't remember. Incidentally, each of these lists were given in order, starting in the East and going clockwise. That's how it's done.

It doesn't seem to matter much exactly what the directions stand for; the point is that it is almost universally recognized in "Indian country" (a frequently-used phrase) as a sacred object, and one that inspires respect and prayer. Don estimates that, by now, thousands of prayers have been made by people touching the hoop. As best as I can tell, what makes it sacred is not necessarily what it is, but how it's been used and what it reminds people of. As an added bonus, something that has heard thousands of prayers must have racked up some pretty darn serious karma over the years.

Don, incidentally, has been appointed "Keeper of the Hoop," and it is his primary job to keep it safe. Additionally, he is bound to bring the hoop to any community that asks for it. Let's say that again: any community asks for the hoop, at any time, and he starts arranging transportation and goes in person to deliver the hoop. The elders gave him this life-task, and it is also the basis of his Indian name, which I will not even attempt to spell here.

Thirdly...

You look confused. I'm now back to talking about things we bring to the table for these ceremonies.

Thirdly, we have a petition. The goal is to deliver 10,000 signatures to President Obama asking for a government apology. As I've said before, perhaps the most important part of our journey is reminding people that an apology is due -- but it's not necessary to start healing. Forgiveness is what starts the healing; an apology is absolutely nothing but icing on the cake. It's up to each community to make their own cake, however difficult that may be.

We bring Brandi Jo to each ceremony. Brandi Jo is a wooden silouhette of a five-year-0ld girl. When she tried to stop her mother from being beaten by her boyfriend, the boyfriend kicked her in the head and threw her in the yard to die. She did die; she was eventually hidden in the house for several days, after which time he burned down the house. Brandi Jo is along for the journey to remind everyone that this difficult work is really for the children. If communities can make the massively tough step of letting go of their hurt and bitterness, domestic abuse is one of the things that will decrease proportionally.

We bring a spiritual bundle. The bundle is another thing that I don't fully understand, but it is connected to the hoop. The bundle is meant to representatively hold people's pain and anger -- it gives them something to focus on as they pray. On the last day, an Elder (or maybe multiple Elders) will do an ancient ceremony to purge the bundle of the bad karma it has picked up. Again, I don't fully understand this part, but if it helps people, I'm all for it.

I keep using the word karma. It is, no doubt, an incorrect term, but it's one I understand that's pretty close.

We will bring people to the forgotten gravesites of the forgotten children. We will lead the community in asking the little spirits to come home. Those buried there were taken from their families and were buried far from their homes, without their families there to say goodbye.

Personally, I'm not sure I "believe" in this particular kind of spirit -- the lost soul of a specific person who had wrongs done to them. However, the process is almost certainly very cathartic to the living, and I see the value in that. Also, if there was anyplace on earth that was likely to be haunted by wounded spirits, a forgotten and ignored graveyard where children were dumped by uncaring hands seems pretty high up on the list. In fact, I can't even imagine a more likely place.

I put "believe" in quotes because, like a lot of these posts, I don't have the words to say exactly what I mean. "Believe" is close enough to be understood. This whole experience falls well outside my normal day-to-day lexicon. And even at home I use words like "lexicon," so this is way beyond the pale.

Finally, we bring a few instructions from a council of elders. The most interesting of the instructions is this: "Neither we, nor the communities we work with, are allowed to seek reparations through lawsuits against the governement." Lawsuits are great for getting money, but seeking money will -- the elders say -- destroy this mission. What the people need is healing, and no lawsuit has ever brought about healing for anyone. They're not even good at providing closure, much less actually improving any situation.

--

Blaise Pascal once wrote: "I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter." That's kinda what's going to happen here. I've decided to stop trying to organize these notes neatly and just slam through the rest of them with whatever comes to mind. Time remains at an absolute premium, and I'd like to try to catch up to current-day before I must sleep.

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The cemetary we will be visiting seems like a typical one. Many of the graves have been carefully chiseled "Unknown," and many contain only a name but no dates. In fact, none that I saw included a birthday. See a previous post for my opinion on how sick it is to write "Unknown" on a student's gravestone. It is virtually unknown -- in fact, it's hidden behind a paintball course and it hasn't been groomed in a long, long time. As we speak, crews are out mowing it and trying to clear the moss off of the sunken plaques. It needs the work badly. It was never intended to be visited, and we will need to rent a bus because there's no place for individual cars to park.

The school is still functioning, and has a proud image. I see that they won an award in 2006 for exemplary-ness. Exemplarity. Exemplaritude. Whatever. I later learn that we were initially blocked from even appearing at this school because they feared we'd destroy their image. Some of the powers-that-be would prefer that the past simply be erased and forgotten.

White-washing?

Don later described this in terms of the lessons he learned from his own alcoholism. For a long time, he was afraid to follow the pattern of "This is what was. This is what is now," for fear that people would stop listening after "was" and judge him harshly. When he built up the courage to say it out loud, he was shocked that everyone listened to the end and congratulated and supported him on the changes that led him to "what is now." Sobriety in his case, legitimacy and honor in the case of Chemawa. I'm not sure if he told that story to the school board or not, but I like it.

Buses will be coming in from other states, carrying elders who want to see the beginning of this journey. That's awesome.

Graduation was the previous day. It's still a boarding school; curiously, not one graduate was willing to stay an extra day to speak about their experience. They all went back to their homes. Even in the best of situations, the isolation of boarding schools must be difficult.

There's already a panel of six elders who will speak to the assembly. A sign-up sheet is in place for anyone else who wishes to speak. (As of the current day, we have not used a sign-up sheet since. It's just an open forum, now. This has its pros and cons.)

Chemawa is not one of these places, but I learned some towns on our route have already given all tribal employees that day off so that anyone who wishes to attend is free to do so.

Even the songs that are played will be local. We're asking for local musicians to play only tribally-appropriate music. Each location will have its own songs, but they fall under very specific headings. For example, all we have to do is ask for "your Feather Song," or "your Healing Song." The fact that these headings appear to be universal would make for some interesting research for a sociologist.

At each location, people will make offerings of whatever plant has local tribal significance as a purification medicine. The likely candidates are tobacco and sage, although apparently some places may include pollen and other things. We will carefully keep every grain, and burn them all together on the last day in Washington, DC.

One point that will be made is that it is also important for the men to apologize to the women. Gender roles were clearly defined in traditional life, and the men failed to defend the tribe against all the assaults made against it. Then, when that failure became clear, the men lost the will to stop things like the removal of children. In current day, the belief is that those old gender roles still hold true, and men are still dropping the ball. Instead of standing up for better schools, more loving families, and safer communities, men have largely given up and turned to alcohol, or left altogether. Single-mother homes are as common as they are everywhere else, if not more so. "Defend" can be interpreted a lot of ways, but irregardless, it's time for the men to apologize for generations of not living up to their duties or standing by their families -- much less staying sober so as to do those things well.

Along those lines, this is also an opportunity for self-forgiveness, one of the hardest kinds of forgiveness to do well. It's important, however; if you can't forgive yourself, you will eventually eat yourself alive. Honestly, I'm not sure self-forgiveness is something I can do. Have you tried? It's really hard.

Another reason for self-forgiveness is the removal of shame. Many people, of all races, are ashamed of how their ancestors have acted or not acted. Shame is a funny thing, particularly in the ways it can express itself. Aggressors often try to cover over shame by amplifying their aggressive behavior, hoping it will retroactively justify their actions. For a good example, look at the Republican party for the last seven years. Victims will often internalize their shame, and begin attacking themselves (or their allies) in a tragic, self-defeating cycle. Marlin spoke about one community of victims who feasted upon their historic shame until, at present, they're on the verge of destruction. In one year, they had over 200 attempted (failed) teen suicides, and 43 completed teen suicides.

Hate and anger will eat away at a person from inside, but so will sadness. The next cross-country journey has already been planned. They will follow in our footsteps exactly and give a seminar in each town about how to grieve -- a skill many have simply forgotten. This is, of course, particularly true for men. In the community above, Marlin says there is a critical mass of unexpressed, ignored grief that must be dealt with quickly. Let's look at just grief related to deaths. We've only mentioned teen suicides so far. Add to that the other suicides, natural death, accidental death, alcohol-related deaths, drug-related deaths, and homicides, all of which are present. Who grieves? Who has time to grieve? Working through grief is a process, one that takes time and energy. Everyone stops grieving effectively if every other day another community member is lost. You grow numb, and it starts killing your own spirit.

Lunch will be potluck. That should be interesting, in an open-community event.

After the meeting, our local contact (also named Don) took me aside and showed me the switchboard for houslights, the projector controls, the microphone audio mixer, and the master power controls for the auditorium we'll be using. I have very little idea how to work any of this, but I nod anyways. I'm so over my head, here. That said, I can fall back on my ability to learn quickly, and my conviction that this is a good project. If something needs to happen, God will make sure it happens somehow. I think this needs to happen.

I'll figure out what I'm supposed to do with an audio mixer when I need to know it. ...tomorrow...