What Now?

And that leaves us with a question. The big one. What now?

For me, my work is fairly well cut out for me. I need to sort thousands of photographs and 163 hours of footage, trying to make some sense out of the image overkill. The question still lingers as to how that will integrate with my normal work schedule. The possibility of closing Novamation Studios semi-permanently to focus on this one project seems... well, a possibility.

Emotionally, things are less clear. On arriving home, I found myself almost immediately adrift. Besides the instant disappearance of the brutal but exciting pace of the last six weeks -- which is a notable factor, itself -- I'm left with a head full of thoughts that have nowhere to go. I immersed myself into a world of tortured children and shattered adults; now I'm back in Nebish. What do I... what do I do with these things I know? How do I make my peace with a world that's changed, with a country that will never seem the same again? And that other world I experienced for all that time -- it hasn't gone anywhere. The truth is that it's still all around every one of us; a living world that's still in deep pain.

And I'll have to learn to live with that fact. The first step: I acknowledge that this world of mass graves on American soil is true. I acknowledge that horrible things were done in the name of my country and my religion. I acknowledge that the victims are still here today. I acknowledge that everyone who has ever looked away bears responsibility, including myself. I am guilty. And I am sorry.

I will do my part to aid the healing. The time to overcome has arrived, and I'm thankful I was given an opportunity to contribute in such a direct way.

And, surrounded by 163 tapes, perhaps my work has really only just started.




***

For you, Gentle Reader, I can't answer the question. Everyone decides "What Now?" for themselves a thousand times for a thousand different issues. If you'd like to know more, resources are out there, as are other perspectives than mine. Or, if you'd like to forget about all of this, you'll lead a life that's a little more comfortable -- I can't deny anyone that choice.

For me, for better or for worse, this story is now a part of who I am.

If you want to keep learning, here's a few stepping stones for you.


WHITE BISON
Main Page
News Updates
Daily Meditation

LONNY'S VIDEOS
These are a little difficult to watch, as they haven't been edited in any way, but they can give you an idea of what went on.
Main Page
Chemawa, Part 1
DC, Part 1

MOUNT PLEASANT
These people were unbelievably well-organized. Their web site has (edited!) videos of the event in Michigan, written summaries, statements from local leaders and more. They even have images from DC. I love Mt. Pleasant. I've heard there's a great slideshow available on the site, as well, but I haven't found it yet.
Web Page

NEWSPAPERS
Sequoia
College Media
Indian Country
Lac Du Flambeau
Oklahoma

FACEBOOK
Mt. Pleasant, Again
Healing Project (not sure what this is, but Lonny recommended it)
White Bison (the pictures seem to be down today)

BOOKS
Many books are available on Amazon. I can't specifically recommend any myself, as I haven't read any of them yet.

THE MOVIE
I am, essentially, done with this blog now. In a few months, when clips from the eventual movie start coming together, I may post short clips here. I will certainly post them on my "normal" webpage, and I imagine they will appear at White Bison, as well.